potty training & pacifier weaning...done!

I skipped this post at the time BIG things were happening but it seems like if I'm keeping a record of everything else in B.'s life these were pretty important milestones.
It was our second attempt at getting rid of the paci so for anyone else who's tried and failed, don't feel bad. Just try again a few months later. This time was all about the lead up...every day for weeks before his 3rd birthday we talked about how he would be giving his paci to a neighbor's baby who really needed it. So the day after his birthday we made the swap, he gave away the paci and in return she "gave" B. a couple of trucks I bought and secretly dropped off the day before.
Nothing really registered until that evening when he realized what had actually gone down. He cried for a few minutes, cursed out the neighbor's baby (she's moving soon anyway so he'll never actually get to be friends with her and discuss this little bit of parental trickery) and then went to sleep. The same thing happened every night for 5 days. And then it stopped. He still doesn't like the baby but seems to have forgotten all about the paci.
As for the pee, we went cold turkey the week before his third birthday. No diapers. He had a week off preschool so it gave us the time we needed to spend at home. The first two days were probably a 50/50 ratio of pee to toilet versus pee everywhere else. And the livingroom rug will definitely be in the trash by the of this year. (At this point, it's probably twice as toxic as a hotel comforter). But he started figuring it out by day three and we were 99.9 percent there by day five. Now he's peeing exclusively in the toilet except for at night when I put him in a diaper. He's waking up dry but I'm not rushing the overnight bladder control just yet.
The most helpful thing for me was keeping a schedule of when he peed. The accidents and the successes. It helped me figure out that B. only pees every two to three hours. So when I was pressuring him to go every 30 minutes he would just get annoyed and refuse to go to the bathroom. Once I had his timing figured out I just left him alone until at least a couple of hours passed.
Now we're tackling poop. It's been a month since he started peeing in the toilet and he's just agreed to sit for number two due to massive bribery involving chocolate and trips to the toy store. Before this week he would tell me when he needed to poop, I'd put on a pull-up and then put him back in underwear after he went to the bathroom. Fingers crossed we're completely out of daytime diapers in the next week or two.

why preschool is so important...

It's not just the socializing and the learning, which is obviously a major component of sending your kid to preschool. Sitting outside today and watching B. play with the neighbors it just made so much sense...kids have such a particular type of play that grownups can't duplicate (at least without being paid, going nuts or being a grandparent). Why is it funny to shriek, run around the courtyard, flop down and then repeat six times? Why take the hat off the doll where it belongs and try it on every single toy around? This type of stuff just doesn't mesh well with my practical (boring?) side. I do art, I do books, I do outings. But I don't really do silly fun. It's just not me.
I agonized forever before sending B. to preschool and still not even sure we settled on the right one. (More about that later.) But I am happy we sent him to preschool instead of having a babysitter around while I work. Kids definitely need lots of other kids around...especially once they get close to 3. (Suddenly it makes so much more sense why a lot of Santa Monica preschools won't accept kids until 2.9 months).
Of course if you have tons of kids available for playdates or lots of children of your own, this is all moot. But here in SoCal the playgrounds are empty except for infants and very young toddlers during the day.
As for the dreaded preschool wait list. I feel so bad for the parents who agonize over their applications. We did and then ended up being accepted at all 3 preschools we applied to. I think the economy probably has a lot to do with it (preschool is effing expensive!) plus it's a mythology the directors need to maintain so they can keep the upper hand in the relationship that lets them charge ridiculous application fees and insist that you attend their parenting workshops.
I don't happen to like our preschool director because she seems to be shifting kids around like chess pieces to fill her classes. I also wish our school had more parental/family involvement. So I've been touring preschools again trying to figure out if it's worth the transition trauma to send B. somewhere else. We'll probably stay put but it does give me a whole different perspective going on these tours with a kid who's already happily enrolled at school and seeing wide-eyed parents going through the system for the first time and taking this all so earnestly. Don't worry, I want to say to them, your kids will pretty much be happy wherever you send them as long as there are books, toys, paint and other kids around. You'll be the one with issues.

we had a moment

I have not been in the mood to blog lately even though some awesome and not so awesome things have happened at casa Haberman. I'd rather go to bed early or sneak a nap than sit at the computer but yesterday was so blissfully wonderful that I had to record. Daddy was at work, we'd been up since forever so I took B. to lunch at the Counter at 11am since I couldn't think of anything better to do. Out of the blue he said, "I'll try my burger but I don't want it with ketchup." Woohoo! I don't even eat beef and I don't really care if he winds up being a vegetarian. But this is a kid that doesn't ANY meat or fish and hasn't tried anything radically new in FOREVER. Usually when we go to the Counter he just eats the sweet potato fries and I kid myself into thinking he's consuming a super food. So I ordered burgers and fries and unprompted he picked up the burger and started eating. Time slowed. For some reason I noticed "Hey Soul Sister" was playing in the background for this little montage moment. Everything was just dreamy and great, like the expression on his face. And I don't know why. And I don't know how to recreate this scenario at home. But it was great while it lasted.

more food lies

Feeding my kid doctored fruit puree in a syringe under the pretext that it's vitamins isn't the worst thing I could be doing. And now I know for sure. Babble had this funny post about the food lies we tell our kids...like all the nutrients in bread are all in the crust and if you swallow gum it'll stay in your stomach for seven years.
Here are a few more of mine:
All the chocolate bars sold at grocery store checkout stand are so big, they're just for daddies. You'll get one when you're a daddy.
Skittles (and all other candy) are just for big people with big teeth. Candy is so hard you wouldn't be able to chew through it.
All protein is chicken, including some really good pulled pork B. ate on vacation last year.
Then of course there's the stuff I just don't tell him about. For the rest of his life, this kid will grow up thinking Nutella should taste like peanut butter and mac & cheese should taste like cauliflower.

it's the little things

I stumbled across this great blog post on HelloGiggles about the little things you can do for yourself as you're wiping up poop, fixing snacks and picking up toys to add some romance to your day and feel like you're more than just "mom." I am the first to admit I'm pretty much swallowed up in the universe that is my kid. It's like living with the most popular kid in school where EVERYTHING is about them ALL of the time. And to be totally honest I love when B.'s friends say "Excuse me, B.'s mom" as if that were my name. But I totally get where this mom is coming from. I happen to feel better about myself if I take the time to blow out my hair in the morning. Even if I'm wearing sweats and no makeup, clean straight hair just makes me feel more special. So here are her (paraphrased) suggestions for a good mood day:

• Wear red lipstick around the house
• Use a French press to brew your coffee
• Clean house to audiobooks
• Have a glass of wine with lunch
• Get regular manicures (I'd have to say pedicures!)
• Use Christmas lights year round
• Buy fresh flowers every week

Got any others to add to the list?

kitchen negotiations with the picky kid

B. came up with an interesting barter this weekend. Out of the blue he asked to eat some fruits and vegetables (which ended up being one bite of carrot and some fruit puree) in exchange for a later bedtime. Works for me. We barely even enforce a bedtime as it is. (We aim for 8:30ish but don't actually get strict unless it's approaching double digits.) So for the last three nights we've bullied him into eating fruit puree as soon as it gets dark...no matter what time it is.
And then this morning he asked to make sweet potato pancakes. He hasn't eaten pancakes in forever but likes to scam me into getting down a bunch of pots and pans just so he can measure and stir ingredients. Then once I've plated the pancakes he refuses to eat them and walks away. Which is exactly what he did this morning. But I've lowered my high-falutin' standards A LOT. So I pulled out my ace card. A jar of sprinkles. And offered pancakes with syrup and sprinkles. Offer accepted. I'm not sure there's a kid alive who wouldn't eat something covered in rainbow sprinkles.
It almost seems like we're making some strides in the food department. Then again, I just tried to convince him to eat a bite of potato for dinner. Plain frigging potato. And he refused. So we're not celebrating just yet.

confetti art is perfect for sick days

Thanks to Jen for the contact paper collage idea, which we executed with leftover confetti, sequins and glitter. And to B. for reminding me that he knows all about confetti from Shel Silverstein's Spaghetti poem. And for not actually wanting to throw spaghetti.

Spaghetti, spaghetti, all over the place,

Up to my elbows—up to my face,

Over the carpet and under the chairs,

Into the hammock and wound round the stairs,

Filling the bathtub and covering the desk,

Making the sofa a mad mushy mess.

The party is ruined, I’m terribly worried,

The guests have all left (unless they’re all buried).

I told them, “Bring presents.” I said, “Throw confetti.”

I guess they heard wrong

‘Cause they all threw spaghetti!

how my kid will heart NYC

Growing up I read a lot of stories that were New York-based. Ironically never Eloise which might be the most fabulous of all. But the books definitely left an impression on me--NYC kids always seemed to be having more adventures and less adult supervision than anyone else--and I will always be a New Yorker at heart no matter where I'm living.
On our reading list right now is Ira Sleeps Over. It's a fairly lengthy debate on whether or not to take Tah Tah the teddy bear to Ira's first sleepover and I'm always impressed B. has the patience and appreciation to sit through this book.
Up next will be Lyle, Lyle Crocodile. (Also by Bernard Waber.) And then there might be a slight delay before we get to the non-picture books: Harriet the Spy, Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and the so very great From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler but I can't wait to read these to B.
One guaranteed love of New York City...coming up.
PS. Please let me know if I'm missing any other good ones!

what the picky kid is eating these days

Nutella and peanut butter sandwiches. Every morning. And sometimes for lunch and dinner, too. He never gets sicks of them. White rice. Buttered noodles. Mac and cheese (with hidden cauliflower puree) on occasion. Quesedillas with pinto beans and avocado (I'd feed him this every meal if he would eat it that often). Pizza. Cheese crackers. And that is literally it. Seven items. Over and over and over again.

my kid versus your kid

I swore off parental smugness a looooong time ago since karma always seems to get you in the end. But it's really hard not to play the constant comparison game. Like yesterday we met some New York cousins for lunch at the Library Ale House and B. had the best time playing with their 3-year-old. They bonded instantly and started playing weird babbling games that only another little kid could understand or appreciate.
Carson Daly (yeah, the TRL guy) his girlfriend and their son were eating next to us and when we were wheeling the strollers out of the restaurant, she asked my cousin how old the boys are because her kid (who's the same age) doesn't engage as well with others. Score one for my social kid.
But the night before, we ran into a little friend from preschool, a.k.a. junior foodie, who was placing his own order for honey lavender biscuits with fried chicken from the LudoTruck. WTF? Meanwhile, B. was too shy to talk and refused to eat anything but cold sweet potato fries that had traveled with us since lunchtime. Not exactly a shining moment. But those biscuits...excellent! Thanks for recommendation, Jr.

how to sneak fruit into your kid's diet...if you don't mind lying

A couple of weeks ago B. asked for medicine. He was fine, he just wanted the chocolate payoff for swallowing amoxicillin. (Over Christmas we had to give him antibiotics three times a day and convinced him to swallow the pink liquid by plying him with M&Ms.) That's when it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I washed out a little glass bottle and filled it with fruit puree (Peter Rabbits Organics in mango, orange, banana), added a couple of drops of food dye and told him he could have a chocolate chip after his medicine. He tasted it, looked at me and said, 'Mom, this tastes like a fruit snack,' (it's been 6-8 months since he's had one so it's amazing he remembered) and kept on sucking.  
Now he takes his "medicine" twice a day. Only, I've switched to calling it vitamins because I can just see running into problems at school when he tells his teachers that he's medicated every day. And while four teaspoons of fruit a day might not seem like much, that's a lot compared to zero.
The crazy thing is he doesn't seem to find the taste offensive, but he still refuses to eat the fruit pouches. So even though I feel a tiny bit guilty for being so sneaky, it takes one master manipulator to fool another. Game on, little dude.

we're peeing in the potty!

I don't think I've been this excited about B.'s bathroom habits since we brought him home from the hospital and had those nifty Pampers newborn diapers that changed color when he peed.
The boy who does EVERYTHING on his own timetable suddenly decided, midway through a bath, that he had to sit on the toilet last night. Out of the blue. With zero prompting from me because I know better than to push anything on him. Nothing came out so we tried again this morning and he peed. Major pee. Seriously, in any other context getting this excited about urine would just be super weird. But I was beginning to think B. was never going to come around. He had refused to even sit on the toilet until last night. And now that he's decided he's going to pee like a big kid he wants his own magazines, just like daddy. He was not impressed with EW or Sports Illustrated. So I just rushed out to Barnes & Noble to buy some reading material. And let me tell you, magazines for toddlers are in short supply. I wish this was somehow a niche I felt like I could fill but how many 2/3-year-olds are reading magazines while going to the bathroom? Educate me if I'm wrong!

our weekend at the long beach aquarium

If B. doesn't turn out to be a paleontologist, marine biologist would suit me just fine. (Along with architect, hedge fund manager, studio executive or baseball player.)

For some reason he finds the divers way more fascinating than the marine life.

 The love of my life...snacking on cheesy bunnies.

tv is awesome

We've been watching LeapFrog: Letter Factory on a near constant rotation this week (thanks Teaching My Baby to Read for the suggestion). And even while TV's supposed to be the devil for little ones, it just hammers stuff home in a way that I can't do. What took me months to accomplish (singing our ABCs and recognizing uppercase letters - never mind sounding out those letters) this video has accomplished in about a week. We're also sounding out all the letters now and can tell the difference between upper and lowercase. The box is God. (Obviously it's a tag team effort but used in moderation I am such a fan. I give credit to General Hospital for teaching me what persona non grata meant 20 years ago when some slutty blonde temptress got kicked out of a party).
Even B.'s encyclopedic dinosaur knowledge got a boost from watching Dino Dan. We knew all the run of the mill dinosaurs - T. Rex, brachiosaurus and triceratops - but now he can tell the difference between a compsagnathus and a corythosaurus (I had to Google those just to get the right spelling), he knows the difference between carnivores and herbivores and is learning about the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous timeline. So I'll say it once again, TV rocks!

new stuff to worry about worrying about

If you worry your picky toddler isn't eating enough and you push snacks on them, you'll override their "satiety signal" and your kid could wind up chubbier by age three. So says a new study. But seriously? Like there's not enough to worry about, now parents have to feel guilty for encouraging their kids to eat. It reminds me of War of the Roses scene when Kathleen Turner gives her kids candy. "I read that kids who are deprived of sweets and candies all the time, they get obsessed by it and they turn out to be obese. Kids who get it all the time, it's no big deal, they turn out normal." The kicker is her kids get fat. You can't win for trying.

miracles happen...

Even when B. was little (like 18 months little) and a good eater, he never picked off our plates or showed any interest in what we were eating. The kid just doesn't care that much about food. So last night while eating his 7,535th Nutella and peanut butter sandwich he looks at the lasagna on our plates and says, "I like lasagna, too." Wait up, whaaaaa? He's never even eaten lasagna and takes his noodles dry.
So I cut him a little slice that included shredded zucchini, red pepper and meatballs and he ate almost the whole thing, objecting only to the crispy bits on the edge that are my favorite. And then he walked away from the table as if nothing had happened. OMG. I'm still gobsmacked about it today. And I'm going to try and recreate the exact same conditions tonight. Lightning can strike twice, right?!

UPDATE: No more lasagna for B. He looked at me like I was crazy when I set the second plate in front of him and demanded plain noodles. Bah!

thanks Tina Fey...

For articulating exactly what I was feeling. This needs to be nominated for some funniest parenting clip of all time award!

things that keep me up at night

Sometimes it feels like every single waking moment needs to be a teachable moment. And there's just not enough time to cram it all in. Every time I talk to a friend or read a parenting blog I'm reminded of the 12 things I'm not already doing with B. that I should be. He should know his address and phone number. He should know his alphabet in upper and lower case. We should be setting a good example by eating lots of fruits and vegetables and home-cooked meals (even though he won't touch them). Then there's the preschool teacher who says he needs more playdates so he'll share better. Love her but WTF does he do all day at preschool if it's not playing with other kids?! Plus don't forget to read books, brush teeth, teach them their please and thank yous. Oh and they should start dressing themselves and putting on their own shoes at this age. So add that to the to-do list. Potty training would be great, too. And learning how to use scissors. Play with them but not too much...OMG! You have to be a full-time chef, teacher, psychologist, artist and diplomat just to meet all the milestone expectations.
Not that I imagine European parents have it much easier but, coincidentally, this list of the top ten toddler activities (according to their parents) just came out over there and it seems like a lot more fun:
1. Make a mud pie
2. Bake a cake
3. Finger paint
4. Sing loudly in public
5. Climb a big hill
6. Pick fruit
7. Dance without any inhibitions
8. Make sandcastles on the beach
9. Be chased by a monster
10. Jump in a puddle so hard the water went in mummy's shoe too

our latest reading list

We finally got to Knuffle Bunny and were cracking up reading it last night. (Thanks for the suggestion Jen!) It takes forever for us to start a new book because B. loves to reread the same stories over and over over. So despite the fact that I ordered a stack of new books back in October we're just getting through them now.
In fact, the only way I can introduce a new book is to offer it up just before we turn out the lights out at bedtime. He'll agree to listen if it buys him an extra ten minutes with the lights on. That and I throw in a bunch of really old (and very basic) favorites, little board books like Moo, Baa, La-La-La. He'll also agree to a new story first thing when he wakes up but I'm usually way too tired to pull it together in the morning.
At 32 months, our (mostly boy-friendly) favorites right now are How I Became a Pirate, Knuffle Bunny, Tikki Tikki Tembo, A Giraffe and a Half, Pout Pout Fish and the Big Big Dark, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Green Eggs and Ham, the Paper Bag Princess and anything involving dinosaurs.
We've also got at least six brand new, unread books sitting on the shelf just waiting to get introduced into our rotation. Maybe by summer...

when the doctor says, "wow"

I called B.'s pediatrician this week to discuss his aversion to anything that is not bread, cheese or chocolate. At some point I expect him to turn green and lose the energy to get out of bed because how can someone survive with virtually no protein, fruit or veggies (other than what his wily mother can sneak into his food)?! I went through the whole routine, explaining how we set out good foods and tell him those are his only options for lunch/dinner and how he goes hungry rather than eat most anything. And she said..."Wow." This was sort of alarming since it doesn't seem like a good thing when your kid's doctor says, "Wow." That and "Well, I've never seen that before." (It also confirms my theory that when your kid isn't eating or sleeping or doing something else properly, people assume you're the one screwing things up.)
But she also didn't have me rush him in for an appointment so apparently she believes he'll live to see his third birthday. Instead she told me to pick up some Pediasure and hide it in his milk. So I'm off to the store to get my kid some liquid energy.