well, this sucks

Life without a paci is hell. We skipped naps Saturday and today. And B.'s been a moody little bee-yotch and I feel partially responsible since I know he's having a hard time settling down without it. I'm going to give it a week and then re-evaluate.
On the food front, the preschool aide asked me today what types of fruit B. might like since he never tries anything they give him. At which point I had to confess that he doesn't eat any fruit. And then blather some excuse about how I hide his fruit and vegetables in other foods. Oh the fucking humiliation since you know she thinks we're all just eating Happy Meals and candy at home.
And the chances of B. actually eating any fruit are probably at an all time low since he wigged out yesterday when I asked him to pass me a grape. I was sort of hoping he might take a bite but the kid would not. even. touch. the. fruit. As if the grapes were some type of poisoned pellets that would automatically kill him if his fingers happened to graze the fruit. How did this happen?

plausible deniability

We lost our one and only remaining pacifier Thursday night. I had purposefully not restocked thinking that one day it would come to this and I could genuinely look into B.'s face and say, "The paci is gone and mommy can't find it." I'm a terrible liar and never would have been able to carry it off if I truly didn't know where to find the paci. He went to sleep surprisingly easily, so when I found the paci an hour later I decided to maintain the charade. Since then he's only seemed to miss the paci when he wakes up in the morning, which is the easiest time for me to resist. (Lemme tell you, that paci would magically resurface so fast if he was waking up in the middle of the night for it.) But since he's still asking about the paci,  this morning I created a whole backstory about a paci fairy coming to take the paci to a little baby who needed it (thanks for the tip Supernanny). And we went shopping for a consolation gift at Toys R Us. I'm not sure he entirely buys that an airplane and Lightning McQueen are adequate substitutes for a pacifier but we're gonna power through...at least during business hours.

school lunches

Monday's grilled cheese went down. But not the carrot sticks or apple slices. Tuesday's spaghetti with turkey meatballs and peas and carrots looked virtually untouched when I went to pick B. up today. Good thing I packed a sandwich. Fluffernutter, natch, that we ate on the bluffs looking at the waves and helicopters flying by. We've been going out for picnics after school since it seems like he needs the time to unwind. Friends swore he'd start sleeping better after preschool started but instead he's napping less. Or not at all. This afternoon just crawled by since I kept expecting him to pass out. But B. seemed oblivious to the lack of sleep and powered through all the way to 7:30. I love my sweet child but the kid's energy level is off the charts. I hope I'm not there the day he decides to try coffee for the first time.

my toddler is so picky...

I think I'm going to start a new Twitter handle @mytoddlerssopicky. We baked chocolate chip cookies last night. I gave one to B. and he said, "Get the chips out mommy." Meaning he wanted the chocolate only. "No," I said, "we eat the whole thing." Is it possible he's never had a chocolate chip cookie? I could swear he's tried them before but I guess not. "Is it gonna be yummy, mommy?" he asked me suspiciously. OMG. What kid doesn't trust a cookie? It wasn't even some healthful Deceptively Delicious treat, it was the real butter 'n' sugar deal. Anyway, he tried sucking out every chip and begrudgingly ate some tiny crumbs of the cookie when he couldn't separate chocolate from dough. It really felt like we hit a new low.

what to do? what to do?

Yay! First preschool dropoff without hysterical crying. Or any tears at all. Ugh, this has been the most traumatic week ever...until today. Fingers crossed the good vibes stick with us through next week. Now I'm home, wrapping up work on a #NYFW project and can't figure out what to do next. I'm so used to cooking, cleaning, shopping or talking to friends in tiny doses between throwing baseballs, crashing cars or doing puzzles that I don't even know how to handle the 2 hours I have before I need to pick up B. All I really want to do is spy on B. at preschool and see who he's playing with and what's he's eating. Mama has major separation issues! Or I could just go back to bed and watch TV. Holy cow. It's been 2 years, 5 months and 1 day since I've had that option. Too many choices. Help, I need a bossy 2-year-old to tell me what to do!

le freak c'est chic

Have noticed a bizarre trend at preschool: Kids eating their fruits and vegetables. (Seriously, every other kid there cleans their plate. Protein, starch and veggies!) It's sort of freakish to me. B. tried a bite of fish sticks last week so I immediately rushed out and bought some for the house. But otherwise it's been white rice, plain pasta or nada and he eats once he gets home with me. No peas & carrots. No broccoli. No carrot sticks. No turkey hot dogs. No corn. No chicken nuggets. No tuna sandwich. Today they even served popsicles after lunch, all the other kids sucked 'em down but B. wouldn't touch them. No idea why. Again, I gotta take comfort in the fact that peer pressure apparently doesn't work on B. so when the other kids are smoking or doing drugs he better say no! Oh and we've now given up oatmeal (there goes the applesauce) for no good reason except that B. wants fluffernutters for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

first day at school

white rice

B. just finished his first morning of preschool and rocked it like a star. Except when it came to lunchtime. Of the rice, turkey hot dogs, carrots and apples on his plate, he ate only the white rice. I'm perversely proud of him for sticking to his guns and not being swayed by peer pressure. Sure, all the other kids ate their balanced meals but my kid is picky and not about to change to make a group of toddlers happy. Sorta lame but I gotta look at the bright side. Instead we came home and he had a fluffernutter sandwich on whole wheat bread, which I first sold to him last week as a "frosting" sandwich. So now we've got a new meal on the repertoire and I'm trying to be less precious about the idea that my kid is eating marshmallow fluff for lunch.

the happy dance

B. will do almost anything for applause, especially if I promise to also do the happy dance which is me hopping around - sort of like Irene Cara or her body double dancing to "Maniac" in Flashdance. Yesterday I made grilled halibut, roast potatoes and corn and got B. to eat a little corn with the promise of a happy dance. And then today we had lunch with Amy at the Counter and roped her into the hoopla in exchange for 3 bites of cheeseburger. She obviously thinks we're nuts. But when it comes to B. eating outside his comfort zone there is nothing too lame or embarrassing that I wouldn't do. Really, the best form of birth control is spending time with other people and their kids.

random thoughts

Some days are easy and some days are just getting by. The last week feels like we've just been surviving. But B. starts preschool tomorrow and there's a bunch of random thoughts I want to get down before our lives change completely. 
We had to babysit the neighbor's newborn last week and, I gotta be honest, it was the most boring thing ever. I've gotten really used to all the activities I do with B. Plus the back and forth conversation is really nice - even if he says "No" most of the time. And since I didn't feel comfortable taking her anywhere since she's really brand spanking new we all sat in the livingroom, shhh'd her, changed her pukey outfit and rocked her until she went to sleep and then B. and I hid in his room and played quietly lest we wake the sleeping beast. I've been wondering if we should have another, even though I was pretty sure one was the perfect number and this experience pretty much sealed the deal for me. At least for the next few years. I really like focusing 100% of my scattered-as-it-is attention on B. and juggling another baby would make that almost impossible. And then I'd also feel like I was short-changing the other kid of having all the experiences and attention that B. got. Yep, one and I think I'm done.
And preschool tomorrow. Gah. I think B. will love it because it'll mean playing with a bunch of kids all morning, which is just about his favorite thing to do with our little neighbors. But I'm slightly freaked out at the idea he'll be away almost every day. If I could just keep alternating between spending time with my favorite little person in the world at the beach and the Natural History Museum every morning for the rest of my life I think it would be a happy life. This summer's been a perfect bubble of bliss but it's time for him to make friends his own age and I think he's done with babysitters coming over when mommy has to work (or maybe I'm just sick of interviewing candidates). Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens - especially at lunchtime/snacktime. I don't think I saw anything on their menu that he eats at the moment. So will he cave and start trying to new things or will I just pick up on ravenous kid every day? Crystal ball, I need you!